Journal: Emotion Processing After an Activating Event
There are many ways to journal, but in this blog, I am sharing my favorite way to journal when I am experiencing big emotions from an identifiable situation. I have been utilizing this technique for many years, so it is pretty second nature, and I don’t usually think about it in terms of “steps.” So bear with me here as I try to break it down. This is a loose guide—you don’t have to follow the format perfectly. The most important part of this process is to first give voice to your emotions in the most honest, dramatic way possible before pulling in logic or trying to comfort yourself.
Step One: The Purely Reactionary Word Vomit Section
To process your feelings, you need to feel them, no matter how uncomfortable they are. The only way through is through. A great way to do this is to write out your most obvious emotions about the most obvious situation in the most dramatic and unfiltered way possible. Write as quickly as you can. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or staying in the lines. This isn’t for anyone else’s eyes but your own, and you can shred it after if you want to. So try to be as honest as possible, even if what you are writing feels ridiculous, embarrassing, or even mean. Use strong words like “hate,” “terrified,” “furious,” or “depressed,” rather than words like “sad,” “annoyed,” or “scared.” Worst-case scenarios are encouraged—don’t be afraid to catastrophize. Scribble curse words in giant letters if you need to. Just get it all out!
I also suggest writing down any physical sensations you are feeling in your body or images that come up in your head. You can draw if that helps you as well. If you feel yourself wanting to cry, try really hard to let yourself. Just write it all down until there is nothing left.
Step Two: Breathe
You don’t want to breathe too much, as you don’t want to lose your emotion, but taking a small pause can help you refocus your brain and shift to a new way of thinking.
Step Three: Thoughtful and Curious Exploration
During this step, you delve a little deeper into your internal world trying gaining a better understanding of how you feel and why. Some questions you might want to ask yourself:
What is going on for me below the surface?
Can I identify any secondary emotions (guilt, shame, jealousy, embarrassment, hurt, etc.)?
What else is going on in my life that might be contributing to how I feel besides the obvious?
Are there any negative beliefs about myself or underlying fears about life that this situation reinforces?
Has an old wound or painful memory been triggered?
Step Four: Coping Skills
Now you are actively trying to calm your body down a few notches. I recommend a progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery.
Step Five: Realistic Thinking and Reassurance
This is where you can reintroduce logic instead of writing based off of pure feeling. Write about yourself or the situation in a more realistic way. Be mindful about using language that is compassionate, forgiving, and kind. Focus on your strengths. Imagine what reassurance your inner child needs in the moment, and try to give that to them.
Step Six: Self-Care
It is important to feel our feelings in order to work through them, but we don’t need to feel our feelings all day, every day. Check in with yourself about what you need right now. Maybe you need to call a friend to talk things out. Maybe you need a distraction. Do something creative, nurturing, comforting, fun, or relaxing. Just take care of yourself, whatever that means for you!
Here is a shortened version of a fictional journal entry following this format:
Step One:
I missed a meeting with a really important client today. I am freaking out! My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, I feel like a tidal wave is coming for me and I have nowhere to run. When my boss finds out, she is going to be so mad. I am so stupid! I let everyone down. I’m going to lose my job and die friendless and penniless.
Step Two: Three long, deep breaths
Step Three:
I’ve been really distracted lately. I think I’m feeling stressed about my mother’s health, the rising prices of everything, and not feeling like I have the time to be a good partner, friend, and employee while also taking care of myself. I feel really overwhelmed, and it’s making me sad. I worry about the future a lot and wonder if I am doing enough. I can feel my heart starting to slow, and now all I want to do is cry. Life is so hard, and I just wish it was easier. I think I need more support, but I’m afraid to ask for it because I don’t want to look incapable. Sometimes I feel like a little kid. I don’t want my boss to see me that way too. If I lost this job, I’d feel like a failure and a disappointment.
Step Four: Progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery
Step Five:
I really should have put a calendar reminder for this meeting. I will remember that for next time. But I guess with everything I have going on, I need to be gentle with myself about my mistakes. No employee is perfect, and I generally do a decent job. It is unlikely I will get fired, but if I did, I’d just have to pull from my savings or get unemployment, decrease my living expenses, ask for help, or get whatever job I can find to help with bills temporarily. It would be stressful and depressing and suck, and I might end up in debt, but I’d figure it out. I always do. I won’t die. My family and friends will still love me. I’ll get through it and be okay. But again, that probably won’t happen. My boss will just be mad, and it’ll be uncomfortable, but she’ll eventually get over it. And if she hates me forever, well, I can advocate for myself with HR if I need to, use my coping skills, find a new job—something. I’m not a child, and she isn’t my parent. I don’t need her to like me in order for me to be okay or have worth. Whatever happens, I trust future me to deal with it.
Step Six: Call a friend while you go for a nature walk.